yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
