I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
pop tarts are not kleenex
birth control should be required to get into college
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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