I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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