Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
