The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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