I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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