I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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