He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
