I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
