They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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