So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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