My hand turned me down
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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