i think my tv is drunk
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
