I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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