It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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