i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
