I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
