some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Actions speak louder than pants.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
