i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
