I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
