You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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