Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
