I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
