do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
