Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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