can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
