just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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