Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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