Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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