i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We had to coat check the pizza.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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