I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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