I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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