i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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