this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
