My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
