good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
