I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
