I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My dick has a subreddit
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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