So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize