she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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