And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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