I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
