dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
