His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
