I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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