if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
