Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
