Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
