Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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