he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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