oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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