guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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