The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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