And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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