That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
