You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
