okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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