I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
