If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize