wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
