You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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