My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
