Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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