just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
