I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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