FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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