Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
