Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
