My brain says no but my pants say off.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
