so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
