You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
