i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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