His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
