i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
