What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
